Attachment needs refer to our basic need for emotional closeness, security, and safety. These needs are formed early in life, typically through our interactions with primary caregivers, and continue to shape our relationships throughout our lives. When it comes to couple relationships, attachment needs can play a significant role in how we feel close to our partners.
Attachment needs in a couple’s relationship can manifest in various ways, such as the need for physical touch and affection, emotional support and validation, and intimacy and connection. When these needs are met, we feel a sense of emotional security and connection with our partner, which allows us to develop a deeper and more fulfilling relationship.
However, when attachment needs are not met, it can lead to feelings of emotional distance and disconnection. This can create a sense of anxiety or insecurity in the relationship and may lead to behaviours such as withdrawing or becoming critical towards our partner. Over time, these negative patterns can create a negative interaction cycle, leading to further emotional disconnection and distress.
In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), therapists work with couples to identify their attachment needs and to understand how these needs are being met or not met in their relationship. This can involve exploring early experiences and relationships that may have shaped attachment patterns, as well as identifying negative interaction cycles that are preventing couples from meeting each other’s attachment needs.
By understanding and addressing attachment needs in the context of the couple’s relationship, EFT can help couples develop new patterns of interaction that promote emotional security and closeness. This can involve experiencing new communication interactions in the session, developing greater emotional awareness and expression, and building a stronger sense of connection and intimacy.
Overall, attachment needs play a fundamental role in how we experience and navigate our relationships. By understanding and addressing these needs in the context of the couple’s relationship, EFT can help couples overcome negative patterns and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships based on emotional security and closeness.
Attachment Needs from Infant to Adult
Testimonials
"Thanks, Aaron, we could feel the benefits of each couple counselling session, even in our first session. We had done lots of work with different psychologists individually and as a couple prior to our first session, but the work with you feels deeper and different, in a good way. Just by helping us to slow down during the session makes us more aware of our primary emotions."
“Aaron is a truly talented psychotherapist and relationship counsellor who cares deeply for his clients. I recommend his services without hesitation. Thanks for taking our marriage from ‘good’ to ‘amazing’ Aaron, we are forever grateful!”
“My husband and I were very fortunate to see you … You (without a doubt in my mind) saved our marriage. Everything is wonderful currently … Eternally grateful. I truly mean every word. Very grateful to you”
"Aaron was very straight forward and honest. Clear about the approach and consistent in helping us change our patterns. The greatest accomplishment through this counselling process is connecting with my partner on an emotional level."
"I couldn't find the words ... Thank you so much for helping us throughout my family problem and obstacles ... not just our marital problems but more particularly to my son ... you're such a truly blessing to him."
"What we gain through the couple counselling process with Alive Counselling was greater insights into family of origins and the sources of [our] emotional pain. Stronger connection to partner."
“Thank you for the difference you’ve made to the life of our family. We are so blessed to have found you.”
"Aaron helped my partner and I reconnect. Not only with each other but within ourselves. Really listening to each other and not just 'doing the angry, dysfunctional dance'. We received lots of practical tips to manage in times of stress."
"Aaron is very patient and level headed ... What we gain through the couple counselling process with Alive Counselling was better awareness of the emotional cycle and triggers with my partner. What was most helpful about the counselling process was slowing the emotional reaction down to get to a calmer position ."
"The greatest accomplishment through this couple counselling process, was developing emotional vulnerability and being celebrated for that. What I like about Aaron is his excellent construction of a safe environment. Very educational process."
“[My partner] and I are doing well. We continue to use your strategies to slow things down ... We have also recommended you to friends of ours.”
“We used to think the ’honeymoon phase’ is just the early experience of a relationship that will end, and did not realise it is possible to feel the same ‘honeymoon’ experience again. Through the counselling process, we are so excited that we can connect deeply like we did early in our relationship.”
“[What I gain from the counselling process with Alive Counselling] It reminded me that there is a reason for everyone’s behaviour and to be more conscious and empathetic of that.”
“[The most helpful part of the counselling process] Insight to where a lot of my characteristics come from and why. Being reminded of what the basic needs of every human is.”
“[What I like about the way my counsellor works] Was able to bring out a lot of things about myself that I hadn’t realised. I did find counselling helpful and I thank Aaron for his time and advice.”
“[The benefits or changes I noticed in myself] Being able to label emotions and address them in the moment and being more mindful of my partners emotions.”
Pingback: Stuck No More: Navigating Emotional Gridlock with EFT - Alive Counselling
Pingback: Introduction to Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFCT) - Alive Counselling