Introduction:
In the intricate dance of relationships, anger can act as a powerful force, particularly when fueled by unresolved childhood trauma. This emotional intensity has the potential to escalate negative cycles, jeopardising the safety of the relationship and paving the way for a breakdown. However, there is hope. Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT) offers a transformative approach, providing a path to understanding, calmness, safety, and intimacy.
The Catalyst: Childhood Trauma
The roots of heightened anger often trace back to childhood trauma, acting as a catalyst for emotional reactions within a relationship. Unresolved wounds from the past become emotional baggage, influencing the dynamics between partners.
Impact on Relationship Safety
As anger intensifies, the emotional safety within the relationship is compromised. Defensive responses are triggered, initiating a negative cycle where each partner’s reactions fuel the other’s. This erosion of emotional safety becomes a breeding ground for conflict and misunderstanding.
Escalated Repeating Reactive Cycle
The negative cycle, once set in motion, tends to escalate and repeat. Anger becomes a self-perpetuating force, manifesting as intense arguments, blame-shifting, and emotional withdrawal. The relationship becomes ensnared in a cycle of unmet needs and unaddressed traumas.
Impending Breakdown Without Support
Without intervention, the escalating negative cycle fuelled by anger can lead to the breakdown of the relationship. The strain becomes unsustainable, pushing partners to a breaking point. The cumulative impact of unaddressed anger and unresolved traumas puts the relationship at risk.
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: The Roadmap for Couples
Creating Understanding
EFT seeks to unravel the negative cycle by creating a profound understanding of each partner’s emotional landscape. Therapists guide couples to explore the emotions beneath the anger, uncovering unmet needs and attachment fears that contribute to the destructive cycle.
Instilling Calmness and Safety
Establishing emotional safety is a priority in EFT. Therapists help partners express their needs and emotions in a way that fosters connection. This shift from defensiveness to vulnerability creates a sense of calmness and safety, allowing for more open and constructive communication.
Interrupting the Negative Cycle
EFT aims to interrupt the negative cycle by addressing the root causes of anger and disconnection. Couples learn to recognise and reframe maladaptive patterns, fostering new, positive ways of relating. This therapeutic process allows for the rebuilding of trust and the cultivation of a deeper emotional connection.
Building Intimacy
Through promoting emotional understanding and dismantling the negative cycle, EFT lays the groundwork for increased intimacy. Partners learn to turn towards each other for support, rebuilding trust and fostering a deeper emotional connection that leads to long-term relationship satisfaction.
Conclusion: A Path to Healing
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy serves as a beacon of hope for couples caught in the storm of escalating anger. By addressing childhood trauma, fostering understanding, instilling calmness and safety, and interrupting destructive patterns, EFT offers a transformative journey towards healing, connection, and the restoration of intimacy within the relationship.
Testimonials
"Thanks, Aaron, we could feel the benefits of each couple counselling session, even in our first session. We had done lots of work with different psychologists individually and as a couple prior to our first session, but the work with you feels deeper and different, in a good way. Just by helping us to slow down during the session makes us more aware of our primary emotions."
“Aaron is a truly talented psychotherapist and relationship counsellor who cares deeply for his clients. I recommend his services without hesitation. Thanks for taking our marriage from ‘good’ to ‘amazing’ Aaron, we are forever grateful!”
“My husband and I were very fortunate to see you … You (without a doubt in my mind) saved our marriage. Everything is wonderful currently … Eternally grateful. I truly mean every word. Very grateful to you”
"Aaron was very straight forward and honest. Clear about the approach and consistent in helping us change our patterns. The greatest accomplishment through this counselling process is connecting with my partner on an emotional level."
"I couldn't find the words ... Thank you so much for helping us throughout my family problem and obstacles ... not just our marital problems but more particularly to my son ... you're such a truly blessing to him."
"What we gain through the couple counselling process with Alive Counselling was greater insights into family of origins and the sources of [our] emotional pain. Stronger connection to partner."
“Thank you for the difference you’ve made to the life of our family. We are so blessed to have found you.”
"Aaron helped my partner and I reconnect. Not only with each other but within ourselves. Really listening to each other and not just 'doing the angry, dysfunctional dance'. We received lots of practical tips to manage in times of stress."
"Aaron is very patient and level headed ... What we gain through the couple counselling process with Alive Counselling was better awareness of the emotional cycle and triggers with my partner. What was most helpful about the counselling process was slowing the emotional reaction down to get to a calmer position ."
"The greatest accomplishment through this couple counselling process, was developing emotional vulnerability and being celebrated for that. What I like about Aaron is his excellent construction of a safe environment. Very educational process."
“[My partner] and I are doing well. We continue to use your strategies to slow things down ... We have also recommended you to friends of ours.”
“We used to think the ’honeymoon phase’ is just the early experience of a relationship that will end, and did not realise it is possible to feel the same ‘honeymoon’ experience again. Through the counselling process, we are so excited that we can connect deeply like we did early in our relationship.”
“[What I gain from the counselling process with Alive Counselling] It reminded me that there is a reason for everyone’s behaviour and to be more conscious and empathetic of that.”
“[The most helpful part of the counselling process] Insight to where a lot of my characteristics come from and why. Being reminded of what the basic needs of every human is.”
“[What I like about the way my counsellor works] Was able to bring out a lot of things about myself that I hadn’t realised. I did find counselling helpful and I thank Aaron for his time and advice.”
“[The benefits or changes I noticed in myself] Being able to label emotions and address them in the moment and being more mindful of my partners emotions.”
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