Useful EFT and attachment based books, workbooks, online resources and research papers for couples.
“Love Sense presents new scientific evidence that tells us that humans are meant to mate for life. Dr. Johnson explains that romantic love is an attachment bond, just like that between mother and child, and shows us how to develop our “love sense” — our ability to develop long-lasting relationships.
Love is not the least bit illogical or random, but actually an ordered and wise recipe for survival. Love Sense covers the three stages of a relationship and how to best weather them; the intelligence of emotions and the logic of love; the physical and psychological benefits of secure love; and much more. Based on groundbreaking research, Love Sense will change the way we think about love.”
An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us
by Veronica Kallos-Lilly, Jennifer Fitzgerald
This workbook is intended for use with couples who want to enhance their emotional connection or overcome their relationship distress. It is recommended for use with couples pursuing Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It closely follows the course of treatment and is designed so that clinicians can easily integrate guided reading and reflections into the therapeutic process. The material is presented in a recurring format: Read, Reflect, and Discuss. Readings help couples look at their relationship through an attachment lens, walking them through the step-by-step process of creating a secure relationship bond. 33 Reflections invite readers to engage with the material personally, expanding their own awareness and ability to tune into their partner. Discussion sections suggest relationship-building exercises and a framework for conversations that promote safety, disclosure, and engagement. Case examples, along with informative illustrations, are scattered throughout the book to validate, illustrate, and inspire couples along their journey. Clinicians conversant with EFT can use this workbook to extend the effectiveness of their work with couples by giving them structured tasks to work on between sessions. For clinicians training in EFT, the book can guide them in staying focused on the EFT roadmap and illuminate how important change events unfold.
Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships
by Diane Poole Heller
Why do we experience recurring struggles in our relationships? And why do traumatic events—such as a physical injury, emotional threat, loss of a loved one, or other life crisis—so often awaken or amplify our sense of fear, anger, isolation, or helplessness?
Confidence And Joy Are The Keys To A Great Sex Life
by Emily Nagoski | TEDx University of Nevada
Researcher Finds High-Quality Marriages Help To Calm Nerves
Lending A Hand: Social Regulation Of The Neural Response To Threat
Abstract
Social contact promotes enhanced health and well-being, likely as a function of the social regulation of emotional responding in the face of various life stressors. For this functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) study, 16 married women were subjected to the threat of electric shock while holding their husband’s hand, the hand of an anonymous male experimenter, or no hand at all. Results indicated a pervasive attenuation of activation in the neural systems supporting emotional and behavioral threat responses when the women held their husband’s hand. A more limited attenuation of activation in these systems occurred when they held the hand of a stranger. Most strikingly, the effects of spousal hand-holding on neural threat responses varied as a function of marital quality, with higher marital quality predicting less threat-related neural activation in the right anterior insula, superior frontal gyrus, and hypothalamus during spousal, but not stranger, hand-holding.
Soothing the Threatened Brain: Leveraging Contact Comfort with Emotionally Focused Therapy
Abstract
Social relationships are tightly linked to health and well-being. Recent work suggests that social relationships can even serve vital emotion regulation functions by minimizing threat-related neural activity. But relationship distress remains a significant public health problem in North America and elsewhere. A promising approach to helping couples both resolve relationship distress and nurture effective interpersonal functioning is Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples (EFT), a manualized, empirically supported therapy that is strongly focused on repairing adult attachment bonds. We sought to examine a neural index of social emotion regulation as a potential mediator of the effects of EFT. Specifically, we examined the effectiveness of EFT for modifying the social regulation of neural threat responding using an fMRI-based handholding procedure. Results suggest that EFT altered the brain’s representation of threat cues in the presence of a romantic partner. EFT-related changes during stranger handholding were also observed, but stranger effects were dependent upon self-reported relationship quality. EFT also appeared to increase threat-related brain activity in regions associated with self-regulation during the no-handholding condition. These findings provide a critical window into the regulatory mechanisms of close relationships in general and EFT in particular.
Adult Attachment, Stress, and Romantic Relationships
Abstract
In this article, we discuss theory and research on how individuals who have insecure adult romantic attachment orientations typically think, feel, and behave when they or their romantic partners encounter certain types of chronic or acute stress. We first review basic principles of attachment theory and then discuss how two forms of attachment insecurity—anxiety and avoidance—are associated with unique patterns of emotion regulation in response to certain types of threatening/distressing situations. We then discuss a diathesis-stress process model that has guided our research, highlighting studies that provide support for certain pathways of the model.
Testimonials
"Thanks, Aaron, we could feel the benefits of each couple counselling session, even in our first session. We had done lots of work with different psychologists individually and as a couple prior to our first session, but the work with you feels deeper and different, in a good way. Just by helping us to slow down during the session makes us more aware of our primary emotions."
“Aaron is a truly talented psychotherapist and relationship counsellor who cares deeply for his clients. I recommend his services without hesitation. Thanks for taking our marriage from ‘good’ to ‘amazing’ Aaron, we are forever grateful!”
“My husband and I were very fortunate to see you … You (without a doubt in my mind) saved our marriage. Everything is wonderful currently … Eternally grateful. I truly mean every word. Very grateful to you”
"Aaron was very straight forward and honest. Clear about the approach and consistent in helping us change our patterns. The greatest accomplishment through this counselling process is connecting with my partner on an emotional level."
"I couldn't find the words ... Thank you so much for helping us throughout my family problem and obstacles ... not just our marital problems but more particularly to my son ... you're such a truly blessing to him."
"What we gain through the couple counselling process with Alive Counselling was greater insights into family of origins and the sources of [our] emotional pain. Stronger connection to partner."
“Thank you for the difference you’ve made to the life of our family. We are so blessed to have found you.”
"Aaron helped my partner and I reconnect. Not only with each other but within ourselves. Really listening to each other and not just 'doing the angry, dysfunctional dance'. We received lots of practical tips to manage in times of stress."
"Aaron is very patient and level headed ... What we gain through the couple counselling process with Alive Counselling was better awareness of the emotional cycle and triggers with my partner. What was most helpful about the counselling process was slowing the emotional reaction down to get to a calmer position ."
"The greatest accomplishment through this couple counselling process, was developing emotional vulnerability and being celebrated for that. What I like about Aaron is his excellent construction of a safe environment. Very educational process."
“[My partner] and I are doing well. We continue to use your strategies to slow things down ... We have also recommended you to friends of ours.”
“We used to think the ’honeymoon phase’ is just the early experience of a relationship that will end, and did not realise it is possible to feel the same ‘honeymoon’ experience again. Through the counselling process, we are so excited that we can connect deeply like we did early in our relationship.”
“[What I gain from the counselling process with Alive Counselling] It reminded me that there is a reason for everyone’s behaviour and to be more conscious and empathetic of that.”
“[The most helpful part of the counselling process] Insight to where a lot of my characteristics come from and why. Being reminded of what the basic needs of every human is.”
“[What I like about the way my counsellor works] Was able to bring out a lot of things about myself that I hadn’t realised. I did find counselling helpful and I thank Aaron for his time and advice.”
“[The benefits or changes I noticed in myself] Being able to label emotions and address them in the moment and being more mindful of my partners emotions.”
