Therapy is often thought of as a path to transformation and healing, but the approach you choose can significantly affect the depth and permanence of change. Experiential therapies, such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), focus on working with the core of the issues to create meaningful, long-lasting change. This stands in contrast to CBT-type therapies, which often aim to create behavioural or cognitive changes more quickly but may not fully address the root causes of distress.
Experiential therapies are grounded in the idea that lasting transformation begins at the most foundational level: the emotions and the body. This “bottom-up” approach takes time because it involves deep, authentic exploration of entrenched emotional patterns and their underlying triggers. In this article, we will explain why experiential therapy requires patience, why the changes it creates are more enduring, and why committing to this time investment is worth it for long-term improvement.
The Core of Experiential Therapy: Working from the Inside Out
Experiential therapies like EFT are designed to address the core emotional experiences that influence thoughts and behaviours. Often, our most challenging emotional patterns are rooted in early life experiences, attachment injuries, or unresolved trauma. These patterns become embedded in our nervous systems, influencing how we perceive the world, form relationships, and respond to stress.
EFT, for example, focuses on the role of emotions in shaping our behaviours and relational dynamics. By helping individuals and couples access and process their emotions in a safe environment, EFT allows them to restructure negative patterns and build healthier emotional and relational foundations. This differs from CBT-type therapies, which tend to focus on changing thoughts or behaviours directly without necessarily addressing the deeper emotional layers that drive them.
By starting at the level of emotions and the body, experiential therapy fosters transformation from the inside out. This approach takes time because it goes beyond symptom management to address the underlying causes of distress, ensuring that the changes are authentic and lasting.
Why Change Takes Time in Experiential Therapy
One of the key principles of experiential therapy is that deep, lasting change cannot be rushed. Emotional patterns and behaviours that have developed over years or even decades require careful, consistent work to unravel and heal.
In experiential therapy, clients are encouraged to slow down and explore their inner experiences with curiosity and compassion. This often involves delving into uncomfortable emotions, such as fear, shame, or grief, which can feel daunting but is necessary for true healing. It also means building new emotional and relational patterns, which require time and repeated practice to solidify.
Contrast this with CBT-type therapies, which are often designed to produce quicker results by addressing specific behaviours or thought patterns. While these therapies can be effective for immediate symptom relief, they may not fully resolve the deeper emotional drivers of distress. For example, someone may learn to manage anxiety by reframing negative thoughts, but if the anxiety stems from unresolved trauma, the relief may only be temporary.
Experiential therapy, on the other hand, works to resolve these deeper issues by helping clients connect with and process their emotional experiences at a core level. This process takes time, but the changes it produces are more likely to be enduring because they are built on a solid emotional foundation.
Bottom-Up vs. Top-Down Approaches: A Path to Lasting Transformation
Experiential therapies like EFT employ a “bottom-up” approach, which starts with the body and emotions and works upwards to influence cognition and behaviour. This aligns with how the brain and nervous system are wired. Emotions and bodily sensations are processed in the lower regions of the brain, such as the limbic system, before reaching the higher cognitive regions like the prefrontal cortex.
By working with the body and emotions, experiential therapies address the issues at their source, creating change that feels more natural and intuitive. Clients often describe a sense of “feeling different” rather than simply thinking differently. This contrasts with the “top-down” approach used in CBT-type therapies, which focuses on challenging thoughts to influence behaviours and emotions. While effective in certain contexts, top-down approaches may not fully address the emotional and bodily aspects of distress, which can limit the depth and permanence of change.
The Investment in Time: Why It’s Worth It
The transformative process of experiential therapy requires time and commitment, but the results are well worth the investment. Unlike quick-fix approaches that focus on symptom management, experiential therapy works to create a deep and lasting shift in emotional and relational patterns. This kind of change takes time because it involves:
- Building Trust: Clients need time to feel safe and supported in the therapeutic relationship, especially when exploring vulnerable emotions.
- Unpacking Layers: Emotional patterns are often multi-layered, with protective mechanisms that must be gently unravelled over time.
- Practising New Patterns: Developing healthier emotional and relational patterns requires repeated practice and reinforcement to become second nature.
For clients seeking meaningful transformation, it’s important to approach therapy with realistic expectations. Significant change does not happen in a few sessions. It is a gradual process that unfolds over time, but the depth and permanence of the change make it a worthwhile journey.
Conclusion: Choosing the Right Path for Lasting Change
Both experiential therapies and CBT-type therapies have their strengths, and the choice between them depends on your goals and needs. If you are seeking immediate relief from specific symptoms, CBT-type therapies may be a good starting point. However, if you are looking for deep, lasting change that addresses the root causes of your distress, experiential therapies like EFT offer a more comprehensive solution.
Experiential therapy takes time, but the changes it creates are profound and enduring. By working with the core of the issues through a bottom-up approach, it provides a pathway to true transformation and healing. For those willing to invest the time and effort, experiential therapy offers the opportunity to create a life of greater emotional well-being and fulfilling relationships.
Testimonials
"Thanks, Aaron, we could feel the benefits of each couple counselling session, even in our first session. We had done lots of work with different psychologists individually and as a couple prior to our first session, but the work with you feels deeper and different, in a good way. Just by helping us to slow down during the session makes us more aware of our primary emotions."
“I was initially hesitant to commence as I have never undergone counseling and decided to take the leap of faith as I gathered that it could only help. WOW! I am so glad I did. Aaron was so much more than I could have ever imagined and assisted me in ways I never previously considered. Thank you so very much Aaron for helping me through a difficult time. 10/10”
“Aaron is a truly talented psychotherapist and relationship counsellor who cares deeply for his clients. I recommend his services without hesitation. Thanks for taking our marriage from ‘good’ to ‘amazing’ Aaron, we are forever grateful!”
“I have seen immense personal transformation in terms of no longer watching my life be ruled by my past complex trauma, but instead being able to live in the present and feel much more fully alive, empowered and fulfilled on a daily basis”
“I did not know what to expect when I started counselling but I'm glad to say that although the experience was very much out of my comfort zone, it has slowly transformed my internal emotional turmoil to one of much more peace and acceptance of myself and others.”
“My husband and I were very fortunate to see you … You (without a doubt in my mind) saved our marriage. Everything is wonderful currently … Eternally grateful. I truly mean every word. Very grateful to you”
“[The counselling process with Alive Counseling] showed me a way to unlock my inner self to be more relaxed in any situation. Give me a new lease on life. Looking at issues in a different way and handling them in a relaxed state. What got me was the emotions and feelings. This is what I needed. What I was looking for. Someone who could help me with these things.”
"Aaron was very straight forward and honest. Clear about the approach and consistent in helping us change our patterns. The greatest accomplishment through this counselling process is connecting with my partner on an emotional level."
"Through being heard and participating in different exercises I have a deeper awareness of myself, the issues I discussed and the relationships I am in. This is also having a flow on effect to others around me. I've noticed tangible changes in relational dynamics over these weeks as I've worked on things and set goals for action."
“[What I like about the way my counsellor works] Was able to bring out a lot of things about myself that I hadn’t realised. I did find counselling helpful and I thank Aaron for his time and advice.”
"You help me so much through the counselling sessions that have changed my negative view of counselling."
“[The benefits or changes I noticed in myself] Being able to label emotions and address them in the moment and being more mindful of my partners emotions.”
"I originally started seeing Aaron to help me through the grief of loosing someone very close to me but through our sessions Aaron tapped in to help reveal so much more about myself and I became more aware of why I was feeling such strong emotions and what I could do to acknowledge them and continue to function in a positive way."
“Thank you for the difference you’ve made to the life of our family. We are so blessed to have found you.”
“I am now able to be present in my everyday life whereas beforehand I was living in my head most of the time as a coping mechanism to my complex trauma. I am also able to deal with issues by myself now by using the tools Aaron has taught me, even after our individual sessions have ended. I am able to be there for myself and find acceptance, belonging and comfort within myself and also from the safe relationships I am now able to identify, pursue and cultivate. In my daily life I now feel like I am much more connected to myself and open to fulfilling connections with others than before.”
“[The benefits or changes I have noticed in myself is a] better acceptance of who I am, less fearful of expressing my thoughts to others and less fearful of initiating, maintaining and deepening connection with others.”
"I couldn't find the words ... Thank you so much for helping us throughout my family problem and obstacles ... not just our marital problems but more particularly to my son ... you're such a truly blessing to him."
"Aaron was one of the most insightful persons I have come across for a long time & has helped me understand myself a lot more."
"Aaron helped my partner and I reconnect. Not only with each other but within ourselves. Really listening to each other and not just 'doing the angry, dysfunctional dance'. We received lots of practical tips to manage in times of stress."
"Since we started sessions with you, I am so glad to see the positive changes it has had in our family interactions. ... Saying Thanks is not all enough Aaron but God will bless you."
"What we gain through the couple counselling process with Alive Counselling was greater insights into family of origins and the sources of [our] emotional pain. Stronger connection to partner."
“[What I gain from the counselling process with Alive Counseling] A greater awareness of my patterns of behaviour and how [these] may connect to my younger years. [The benefits or changes I noticed in myself] Greater grounded-ness for engaging with these aspects of myself I don't explore or talk about.”
“[The most helpful part of the counselling process] Insight to where a lot of my characteristics come from and why. Being reminded of what the basic needs of every human is.”
“Aaron provided me an avenue to process multiple issues I was experiencing at the time and enabled me to better manage my situation. I am still using the approach and mindset as it works so well.”
"Aaron is very patient and level headed ... What we gain through the couple counselling process with Alive Counselling was better awareness of the emotional cycle and triggers with my partner. What was most helpful about the counselling process was slowing the emotional reaction down to get to a calmer position ."
"Aaron has a gift for untying the knots of situations that seem complex and pinpointing the core issues when someone is overwhelmed by details and anxiety. He's good at helping people to identify clear steps forward and put them into practice in a logical order . . . "
“We used to think the ’honeymoon phase’ is just the early experience of a relationship that will end, and did not realise it is possible to feel the same ‘honeymoon’ experience again. Through the counselling process, we are so excited that we can connect deeply like we did early in our relationship.”
“Unlike most other counselors I've seen before, Aaron gets right to the root of the issue straight away in a session and heals it at its core. With previous counselors I had found that I would simply be talking the hour away, week after week, using my well thought-out analyses of stressful situations in my life, but I would not ever really experience true deep healing or change. Aaron, however, stops me in my tracks while I use my old coping mechanisms to try and avoid my pain (i.e. over-thinking, which keeps me in my head and not in my heart) and he brings me back to the root issue which he has a way of identifying very skillfully. He then provides a safe environment and helps me to deal with it effectively right there and then. This has been very powerful for me and I have found that I leave sessions feeling like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders, and in the weeks to follow I find that I still experience the healing effects of each session.”
“[The most helpful part of the counselling process, is] the experience of expressing certain thoughts and feelings to someone without being judged and thus being able to make peace with them. Chair exercises seem to have quite a deep and lasting impact on me although I felt very awkward in the beginning.”
“[My partner] and I are doing well. We continue to use your strategies to slow things down ... We have also recommended you to friends of ours.”
"Thanks Aaron . . . of all the help I've sought I learned more from you in an hour than in years."
"The greatest accomplishment through this couple counselling process, was developing emotional vulnerability and being celebrated for that. What I like about Aaron is his excellent construction of a safe environment. Very educational process."
"Aaron has a very gentle nature and an innate gift of helping you understand why you feel the way you do in certain situations and understanding the reasons why. This has given me a greater self awareness and skills to help me when challenged with these strong emotions."
“[What I gain from the counselling process with Alive Counselling] It reminded me that there is a reason for everyone’s behaviour and to be more conscious and empathetic of that.”
"Aaron has helped me with my past trauma and underlying issues. He has shown me how to deal with grief and anger in a healthy way. He has counselled me for 13 months and I am so grateful that he is a part of my journey to recovery."
"Every week I learn something new about myself that I can use in my everyday life. Emotions have such an effect on our lives physically and mentally."
“[The benefits or changes I have noticed about myself are that] I'm more easy going, I'm relaxed, I'm looking at my whole life in a better way. Breaking the old habits wasn't easy but with the guidance and knowledge it's helped me immensely. It was much more than what I expected. I really took to his style of counselling and recommend it to anyone.”
“I did have high expectations of Emotionally Focussed Therapy (EFT) as I had read great things about it, but I had no idea that it would have such a transformational effect on my life as a whole. One very important thing that I reminded myself of during the sometimes-painful journey of inner healing with Aaron is to Trust The Process! Aaron knows exactly what he is doing and it is more than worth it.”
“[What I gain through the counselling process with Alive Counselling is] having a safe environment to make sense of my emotions, to understand where they are coming from, and to be self-compassionate in acknowledging and dealing with them to improve my relationship with myself and with others in a more balanced, consistent and genuine way.”
“The whole [counselling] process was seamless and very easy to start and a pleasure looking forward to the followup sessions. I did not know what to expect as this was my first counseling session and given the COVID epidemic, Aaron more than exceeded my expectations.”
"Through the counselling process, I felt better after months of depression ... thank you for your counselling service ... You were a big part of my healing journey. I thank God for you."
" . . . He's also good at helping people become more aware of their emotions, so that they stop tolerating recurring negative patterns and face the root causes that are driving them. He is a sensitive, patient and caring listener, but he's also focused on reaching practical, effective solutions."
“[The most helpful part of the counselling process] Good listening on Aaron's part. Aaron knowing when to slow down and explore more deeply. Gentle, but probing questions. being challenged to connect with feelings.”
“... Aaron is very understanding, accommodating and flexible with the timing and duration of the sessions, especially during the early stages of my counselling process when I was quite distressed ... All these things combined has helped build my trust in him and gave me the courage and confidence to continue my journey of personal growth through counselling sessions with him.”
“Aaron is very open and understanding making sessions very easy by encouraging open conversation. Aaron strategically identifies, discusses and resolves points encountered in an easy-to-do meaningful way while aligning to the morals and standards. Christian values work for me, so Aaron then used terms and explanations aligned to me making everything so easily understandable.”
"Aaron has helped me deal with issues in a mature manner to see other people's point of view. He gave great examples which I understand and can put into real scenarios."
"What I gained through the counselling process was a clearer understanding of the emotions I was feeling and why. The greatest accomplishment was my understanding of how I feel in certain situations. I am more aware and adjust my thinking."
“[What I like about the way my counsellor works] Very attentive. Great listener. Gentle, respectful, insightful. Prepared to challenge. Some good variation including role-play, information-giving and occasional 'homework'. Open to doing things differently, and really responding to my needs or concerns.”
“I like the fact that Aaron is very consistent in the way he behaves during each session, both face-to-face and online. His facial expression, the speed and tone of his voice and his body language are all aligned to give out a sense of genuine care and concern, openness and non-judgment.”
